The Tao of Spartacus Jones

Most people think they're smarter than horses, which proves they're not.


Sex is like riding a horse -- it's embarrassing if you fall off.


Love is a lot like horse-keeping. There's a certain amount of manure you have to deal with if you're going to sustain the relationship. Unfortunately, no one's invented a good muck fork for love.
Now, with a horse you can pretty much predict how much manure there's going to be and even when. And it's a sign of good health, everything's working properly. On the other hand when two-legged gives you shit it isn't because it's necessary, it's just because they feel like it, and it usually means things aren't going well at all.


A lady I know told be some clever reasons why a horse is better than a man, and I don't doubt her word on it one little bit. But there's a flip side to that. A horse may be preferable to a woman, too:

A horse never asks if the saddle makes her rump look big.
A horse doesn't mind if you ride somebody else once in a while.
A horse would rather have carrots in her mouth; a woman wants them on her finger.
A horse only needs new shoes once ever 6 weeks or so.
What a horse does always makes sense.
If that IS a carrot in your pocket, your horse is happy to see you.
A horse doesn't mind if you don't feel like talking and won't keep asking you "What's wrong?"
You can mount a horse any way you want.
You don't have to take a horse to dinner and a show before you go for a ride.
A horse won't bite you or kick you for no good reason.
A horse likes a good roll in the dirt.
And most importantly, horses never, ever lie.

The mane thing with this tail, whither you agree or not, is that it's a cinch that I may just be horsing around, with no desire to stirrup any trouble, and it behooves you to stifle your rebukes and not take me TOO seriously.

sj