Columbus: The Ideal American Hero

The Official Story:

In 1492, the great navigator, Christopher Columbus, financed by the Queens pawned jewels, sailed out in three small ships, the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria, proved the world was round, and discovered America. Welcomed as a god by the local Indians, he set up trade with them. He was a radical free-thinker whose voyages of discovery ushered Europe out of the superstition and ignorance of the Dark Ages.

The Rest of the Story:

His name was Christoffa Corombo to his home-boys in Genoa and Christobal Colon to the Spanish.

His ships were the Pinta, the Santa Clara (sometimes referred to as the Nina) and the Santa Maria (sometimes referred to as the Gallega).

The queen didn’t hock her jewels to pay for the expedition out of inspiration and the goodness of her heart. She made a deal to finance the trip on the condition that she would be paid back from the spices and other goodies Chris was supposed to bring back from India.

Did he prove the world was round?

No.

A Greco-Egyptian scientist named Erastosthenes, measured the circumference and diameter of the world in the third century B.C. In the tenth century A.D., Al Maqdisi described the earth with 360 degrees of longitude and 180 degrees of latitude.

By the time Columbus sailed the ocean blue, educated persons in Europe already knew the earth was round.

Did he discover America?

I’ll put aside for a moment the unasked question of how you can “discover” a “new world” when there a a few million people already living there.

The Vikings visited the North America 500 years before Columbus set sail. And Columbus never set foot on the continent; he landed in and stayed in the Carribean Islands.

He was a great navigator though, right?

Depends on your definition of "great." He set out looking for India, remember.

He made three voyages to America and did more than a decade of study, and at the end he STILL thought Cuba was a part of the continent of Asia, that South America was only an island, and that the coast of Central America was close to the Ganges River.

He would have been perfect for the 911 Commission.

Me, I wouldn't trust him with a road map on the inter-state.

But don’t despair.

Old Chris DID accomplish something noteworthy.

TWO things, actually.

First, he established the slave trade. Remember that debt to the Queen? 1200 Taino Indians sold into slavery was the first installment on Isabella’s easy pay-back plan.

Of course, a lot died en route. Eventually, they ran out of Indians – many of whom didn’t make very good slaves, anyway, what with escape attempts and suicides – and had to find a good substitute. Perhaps you are aware that they found the replacements in Africa.

The other thing Columbus achieved was the genocide of the native population of the "West Indies." Estimated at as many as 8 million, they were virtually extinct within 50 years after Captain Courageous “discovered” them.

In the first four years alone, he murdered or enslaved an estimated 300,000.

Furthermore, according to eye-witness Bartoleme de las Casas, Columbus & Company not only murdered them, but tortured and mutilated them, including women, children and infants, sometimes just for sport. He burned them at the stake and fed them alive to his dogs. They swung infants by the heels and smashed heads against trees and rocks.

Did other things that would gag a maggot.

And rape, of course. That goes without saying, eh?

"They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance… They would make fine servants… With 50 men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want."

- from the logbook of Christopher Columbus

So why would I call this guy the ideal American hero?

Because he was a greedy, merciless, ignorant bastard whose crimes have been white-washed and whose myth far outshines his feats.

Like so many to follow in his bloody foot-steps.

And because even though the truth is out there and not difficult to find, it seems too many Americans generally prefer self-flattering fantasy to sobering history. In fact, they avoid truth like vampires avoid holy water.

This might be something you want to remember if you ever find yourself wondering IF the government would lie to you or IF they could get away with it.

Frankly, it ain’t that hard to do.

sj